By the time I was fourteen, I could take it no more. Paradise had not come and I could wait no longer. I ran straight to my mother's home. My father had no choice but to let his hold on me go. In his final effort, he had three elders (leaders in the religion) waiting when I came back to get my belongings. They told me in no uncertain terms, in spite of the abuse, that if I left my father’s home I was turning my back on God. I believed them. But I had no choice. I could not understand why God wanted me to stay in that home and therefore I became angry at God. I turned my back and ran as far as I could.
And yet I believed. I believed that I would not live through Armageddon and yet it did not matter. I would die and my miserable life would finally be over. Zilch. I would become as nothing just as the Jehovah Witnesses taught. I lived my life as a haunted person does. I became as a wild child. I tried ending my life. I turned to alcohol and drugs. As I searched for peace I found only more pain. I tried to live a normal life by marrying and having two beautiful children. But it did not ease my pain. Only alcohol and drugs masked the pain for a while, but made it worse in the end. I searched for love and only found more turmoil. God had turned his back on me as well. Or so I thought.
I tried to come back to the Watchtower organization a few times when my life was getting out of control. I invited the witnesses into my home for bible studies. But I could never stay with it. It felt hopeless. Then I started comparing their bible, the New World Translation, with a New Kings James version that a friend had given me. It only led to more confusion. One night in desperation I tried again. I read about Jesus being the mediator between God and man. Well, I thought, if Jesus was my mediator, I needed to have a talk with Him. (I did not feel worthy enough to talk to Jehovah God.) I opened up my soul and cried to Christ. At that moment He began to make changes in my life. I was immediately filled with feeling of warmth and peace that I now know was the Holy Spirit. Immediately after the prayer He pointed me to a scripture in the New World translation that opened my heart up about its deception. I began to doubt. I prayed some more and I was led to the internet and I typed in Jehovah’s Witnesses. I was led to sites like www.FreeMinds.org and www.SilentLambs.org. I took it all in and I realized that I had been deceived. I turned my back on God for nothing. All I had believed all these years was a lie! Initially I was devastated, and yet I had an overwhelming feeling that God was directing my steps me and that He would take care of me.
All I really understood was that God was leading me. I felt it that first night I prayed to Jesus so naturally I began to wonder who He really was. I searched the internet, I read the bible (the King’s James version), and started attending a large non-denominational church where I could blend in without being noticed. See I still distrusted people. But I also found a web based group that catered to ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses who are now Christians and I asked more questions anonymously. I soaked in all that I read and heard. So on one hand I was dispelling the lies of the witnesses and on the other I was learning the truth about God and His divine plan.
At the same time I figured out that I needed God’s help with other aspects in my life in order to become complete. Because I had learned to pray to God and ask for his help, I turned to Him the problems within my mind. He gave me the courage to go to a psychiatrist and a good Christian counselor. A lot of my struggles had a medical background as I learned when they diagnosed me with bipolar. It was hard to hear, but I trusted in the Lord and accepted my diagnosis.
It was a blended process that all came together a couple of months ago. With God’s guidance, I broke the last of my bad habits and was set free. I had the calling to become baptized and yet I knew I could not do it at the huge church I had been attending. I needed something more personal in my experience and had been reading much in the bible about Christian fellowship. It was time to give people a chance and to move on. I prayed for help in finding a church where I could get to know other Christians and feel comfortable enough to tell my story and get baptized. God answered my prayers again and led me to a church that I could call home.
All my life I searched for peace and happiness. All my life I made the wrong choices. For years I thought that I had turned my back on God because He expected more of me than what I could give. I thought He had given up on me. The whole time He was patiently waiting with open arms for me to accept Him and His son. Now I tell anyone who will listen how God has changed my life and all I had to do was believe. He is so awesome! He has forgiven me for so much and I am so grateful. He is the peace and love that I was seeking. Yes, Jesus is my Lord and savior and I am so proud that I was able to publicly make that statement of truth. Where as once I was ashamed of my belief, now I am confident. I want to share my story of struggles because I want others to see how God can lift a person out of even the worst of situations. Peace and joy can be had. Hope is alive in Jesus!
Contact Sherri at: earthchild1206@yahoo.com